Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Hello I am 17 year old boy and I am interested in transgender why?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t buy bullshit

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Meteor Activity Outlook for June 7-13, 2025 - American Meteor Society

I see through liars

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

NYC summer stargazing seasons kicks off with triangle, meteor showers - Gothamist

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand how hurricane paths work

Deion Sanders: Pre-draft attacks on Shedeur and Shilo "hurt" - NBC Sports

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Louisville earns College World Series trip with 3-2 win over Miami - Card Chronicle

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Tom Girardi Sentenced to 7 Years in Prison on His 86th Birthday - Vulture

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Have you or anyone you know invested in cryptocurrencies before? If so, which one did you invest in and how much profit did you make?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Are landlords allowed to make unreasonable requests?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Who was the actor least deserving of an Academy Award?

I can count

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

‘Yellowstone’ Star Cole Hauser Talks Directing, Bull Riding and Cowboy Future - The Hollywood Reporter

I actually pay taxes

I have a reading level above third grade

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

The First At-Home Cervical Cancer Screening Device Was Approved by the FDA, Set to Roll Out This Year - Good News Network

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Why do British people always write "xxx" after their names?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I can read

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Risk Of Dengue Fever Is Just Another Reason Cruises Suck - Jalopnik

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Patti LuPone apologizes after she's denounced for 'degrading' comments on Kecia Lewis, Audra McDonald - NBC News

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is